Hi yeah i know its been a long time
Fact that i already moved to a new school is a killer but i pretty much like it here
New school
New friends
New juniors
New seniors
And yeah of course
New haters
Yup no surprises still the old me maybe a lil bit chubbier than before. What do you expect its very stressful here and the food homaigod i cant even gahhh
Heres the dealio. First two weeks got a crush on somebody hah it didnt work out so well or should i say at all. but that part is too private so not gonna tell you bout that bcs its my life shut up im telling you a story
This short ((taller than me)) dude came by. Being supportive and all caring. Wins my heart. Im dead serious he amazes me with everything he does . His lower lips licks i just god damn it boy stop that. Silent realtionship but the rumors was out so be it. Got my self esteem back. And oh my god his voice i just aaaaaaa and he dances like wth how can he not be amazing. Endless chat. Promised not to say goodbyes. Never say sorry without a reason. Promised not to leave each other. Trust. He got me this highschool-kinda-love feels to a new level. And these butterflies everytime hearing his voice.
People warned me about him but pfft its me what do you expect? I didnt listen. Never listen.
I mean how can i just hate somebody that i didnt even try to know yet. So give me time lets get to know each other.
He loves cats. And we both love to eat chicken. Meat next and fish is the last thing we'd choose. Said that i love chocolate its the best thing ever. He was like yeah okay but gummies are better. Gummies are cool too. Tomyam! Yaasss haha green and blue are his faves. Red black white and all of their mixes too. Said that grey and pastel green are my fav. Why grey? Bcs everybody hate grey so since everybody hate me too, i need to love grey. Haha yeah you said pastel green is your fv colour too. Hahaha exchanged our mechanical pencil. Yup still have em. You said my feet are so small. Im five and youre seven theres no much different ok. Let you listen to my fave song, all of me//john legend. And that moment when i was doing my homework at the canteen listening to my fave song he shocked me when i turned right seeing his face. God damn hes so fine i just i dont know. Butterflies. Never did that to anybody. Hahaha
Why am i doing this post idek
The sad part is here. Brace yourself
He distanced himself i can feel it i know its okay. Shorter texts. Slower replies. No more heart emojis. No more night wishes or morning. No more waving whenever i passed your class. Thats when i know. This isnt right. This is not you.
Wish you could tell me whats wrong? What i did wrong? And just stop acting so weird all the time. And bam he said the "we needa talk"
Waited by the corner of canteen (((not a romantic place with low lights and everything))) ((but my place))
He came. Sat down so i faked a smile knowing that im gonna cry very soon but still trying not to look so weak. Borrowed my phone. small capital h. Typed something at the message site.
Showed me "we should take it slow"
I smiled. Holding back tears.
Said "i know"
Typed again...
"Maybe real slow"
"I know..."
Dont want him to see me to start bursting out tears so i just
"you know what? Just go..."
"You want me to go?"
God damn it human i want you to stay but youre the one who are distancing yourself. Why is it so hard for you to see? Dont you get it?
But those words didnt went out
Shooked my head
He stayed for seconds and i was in silence.
"I need to go"
So he went of got idk somekind of sports stuff.
He saw me covering my face. Came back. Asked if im okay.
"Im okay, dont worry" smiled. That should make him go. Yeah it works
Bam i cried silently. Went home
That night. Worst night. Long texts. Saying how perfect i am. How much of a douche he is. Fact that i deserve better. That he needs to study. No more distraction. We fall apart.
But a couple of sentences make me wanting to stay.
"I swear to god, i do love you"
I dont even know
What are we now
Tell me if you know
Maybe i was stupid not to listen but thats me i dont care about what others think about anybody. Yeah i loved him. I did. But its okay im fine now living my life.
Lowering my hopes.
Yeah im okay :)
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