sweet rain

0631

No I'm not selfish. and no i dont wanna be mean. im a nice person. im just a good girl in love... with a wrong person. why. why does it have to be him. it has been months and im still not over him. even after, knowing, he already has someone to call at 3am when hes lonely. and surprise surprise. its not me. and might never will be me. i know i will be the only one hurting. and im trying to get over him. his smile. his stupid jokes. the addicting cigarette mixed with sweet scent that lingers around him. his voice. his eyes. the comfort of his hoodies. and the warmth of his embrace. he knows all my secrets and i know his. all dark and everything good. hes my little pandora box. his sleepy raspy voice when we talk about those crap at 3am. ah fuck.  will i ever forget all these just by seeing somebody else. cant i just keep him in a corner of my heart without anyone knowing? will i be really okay to keep these feelings inside me? i need to let go. but now that he gave me a piece of him, it makes me wanting more. more of him and more of his touch. i used to get addicted when hurting myself with those damned blades. and this feels like another form of it. i refuse to feel that im hurting because hes everything and the only thing i want. but hes not mine. we're  just friends. just friends. just. friends. and i'll be repeating this in hope that it will come true for me. so here it is. my favourite drug. my only addiction. the only thing i crave. you. and your touch. i love you. my sweet sweet rain.